Of Friendships and Bonding.

 First of all, welcome to August!

Today, I'm all about friendships and bonds. Why is this my first blog post for the month? Well, the month of August is jam-packed with birthdays of friends and people that matter so much to me. It is a reminder of how lucky I am, surrounded by beautiful people and friendships.

👉💝👈

Okay, so I know people that have lots of friends but don't really have any. Confusing? I'll rephrase. There are people that build relationships easily but are not so good at maintaining them. People that have so many views on their WhatsApp statuses, people that you walk with and get pissed because of the many people they have to stop and say hi to. There are people like this that, in actuality, have zero friends. By "friends" now, I mean people they open up to. People they can talk to about their fears, their worries. People they can call when things go south.

There are people that are almost invisible. Friends? Maybe two at most. Neighbors you hardly see, people that work with you but are never interested in conversations that don't concern work. The "don't talk to me" kind of people. 

There are also others that build circles, strong circles they can fall back to when there's the need. It doesn't matter how big or small the circle is, it exists and they're comfortable. These circles are often bound by similar interests or roots and stand the test of time. Friends in the circle are sometimes so close to you, you consider them family. They are the friends you introduce to people as "my brother" or "my sister" and get the "but you don't look alike" response.

In all, regardless of the category you place yourself in, the friendships and the bonds you make have effects on you. These effects can be positive or negative.. it depends strongly on you and the person or persons you bond with.

I've heard girls say "I can never keep female friends" and while I understand that situations and circumstances provoke such utterances, I am very thankful that I do not relate. 😌

Hold on, I am not immune. I've had my fair share of "strong thing" and I must tell you that girls can be baaaaadddd when they want to be. But I have built sister-bonds with amazing women. Women like Joan T. and Joy N. (we're the Triple Js, don't cringe 😂😂). I've met women like Christy M., Pandora I., Mena O. and a host of others. So you see, if I make derrogatory statements about female friendships, I'm sure thunder will fire me.

Truthfully, things haven't always been rosy for me when it comes to friendships and I know it's been that way for quite a lot of people too.

Nia (Facebook) asked:

"Do y'all know there are people in your lifes that confuses you, you can't tell if they like or hate you. They're just there. I want to do a little story time about a ✌friend✌ of mine that we recently fell off.

 Now this girl, she's the only friend in my life that tells me to pray, she holds my hands when I'm going through sum stuff and prays for me. She's my go-to female friend, like she'd lend me money immediately I ask. She was like a cheerleader in my life.. just waiting for me to become who I really am you know,..that's what I thought. BUT, here's the part that confuses me,thats made us cut ties now. 

 She's judgemental as hell but I always still want to vent to her cos of how close we were. Whenever I try talking about what I want to do in life, she'd be like nah, she doesn't see me becoming that and laugh it off, if I tried shaking my body..dancing, she'd look dead in the eyes and tell me to stop trying cos I can't dance, when we hung out with her boyfriend and his friend, she did basically everything she could to make me look stupid. She volunteered before we left the house that day that I should wear her shirt cos it'll look better with the pants I had on, which I did, cos why not. To think she'd later mention that?? When we get served food and I happen to not be satisfied with the taste, I can't complain cos she'd say to me "why are you complaining you can't even cook" or "you do know its a red flag, guys won't take you seriously cos you can't cook" bruh we're in public?? I thought she was just being mean & stuff,now I think she was trying to get picked. She'd say to me "you're wasting all these looks,if I looked like you I'd be doing way better" like bro whut?  

There's more actually, but I noticed I've been typing a lot.

Do you guys have such people in your life?? How do you deal with them? How can you tell even if someone likes you or not?"

It is easy to deduce from Nia's story that this friend isn't entirely a bad one. I mean, she prays with her, encourages her. It must have been very difficult being sandwiched in such a complexity, is this a nice friend? Is she not? The plain reality here is, while this friend might have good intentions, her actions towards Nia could cause esteem issues. I personally believe that inferiority complex is the reason for always wanting to put Nia down and I don't think it's something she could help. I guess putting Nia down made her feel better about herself, but it was a very toxic environment for Nia. Imagine being friends with someone that always highlights your "flaws" in public places? HELL to NO. 

Another Facebook User and friend, Nonso Clarence Igwebuiké (19), says:

"What I think about friendships?

I think that most of the relationships we have with people that we call relationships would make more sense if we term them appropriately- acquaintances. Trust me, if this is done, it would reduce the number of arguments and the risk of disappointment. 

This being said, I have and have had some great friendships but most of them end in heartbreak. Sometimes there are reconciliations but it usually isn't as real, you feel me?  There's always that fear clouding the trust as you don't want to be vulnerable ever again.

And when it comes to friendships, it's usually easy for me to make friends with girls, I'm not sure why. It'sprobably due to the fact that I'm straight, I can't entirely say.

Which gender is better at friendships? None. I believe that the same amount risk you face in female friendships are the same in male friendships. We are all human first and we err because we are human and not because we possess genitalia."

I totally agree!! We are humans before anything and a man can hurt you emotionally  just as much as a woman can. The negative experiences can be tough, really, but I think finding beautiful souls and vibes that turn to bonds can be truly fulfilling.

What experiences have you had with friendships? Have you ever been shown so much pepper that you cancelled an entire gender? Why do you think people fall out friendships that seemed amazing at first? Let me know what you think in the comments!

Have a wonderful month ❤️