Harmattan

December 27, 2019

The ride to the village was a quiet one. Maami did not sing hymns like she did every other year and Blessing was out of gossip. It was different on this year, and I wondered if it was because we were not going home to grandma as usual or because Paapi had refused to come with us. Perhaps it was both. As Maami drove down the quiet road, a part of me still prayed for a miracle. A part of me still hoped to see Granny sitting on her favorite chair, waiting to welcome us with her dancing. I knew it was impossible, because she had died on my birthday this year and I had cried on her grave, but I mustered a little hope, a little faith. Didn't my pastor say it was enough?

When we saw the heap of sand that covered my mamaa's dead body outside the family house, I felt a sudden lump on my throat and I wanted to leave. To leave this house that smelled of Granny and this compound that carried all our memories. But I stood, and while my heart bled, I refused to shed a tear.. because I had to be strong. For Maami, who had already broken down in tears and for Junior, who was too little to understand what was wrong but cried like he knew.

Now, as I sit under the mango tree behind the house, my legs are white as chalk. It's the season again, of Christmas and of Harmattan. My eyes have begun their romance with dust and nostalgia has it's hands around my neck. Choking.
Maami is in the living room with aunty Mercy. There's occasional laughter, but whispers most of the time. Junior is playing outside with Kachi, Aunt Mercy's son, who is about the same age as Junior. Blessing is out to the stream, as usual. She has always had certain affinity to the stream and now that Granny is no more, she goes there more often.

The Harmattan breeze is soothing, healing. Just the way it had been last year.. when under this mango tree, I let Henry touch me. No one knew, but Granny. She had walked in on us, his lips on mine and his fingers wandering. She was quiet, my mamaa, she was silent. She walked back inside like she hadn't seen a thing.. and later that evening, as I told her of my feelings for him, she said he was mine, and it was my season.